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1:11 a.m. - 2003-05-18
I shake my angry fists at the sun
Im sunburnt! Damn it all. That'll learn me to step out of my appointed role. My shoulders and upper back are a deep bright red and radiate heat you can feel from a couple of inches away. The rest of my skin is still cold pastey white. Ironically, I was trying to get a little bit of a tan, so as to be less likely to burn whilst in Hawaii.

I'm considerably less enthusiastic about this trip than I was even a week ago. Given enough time I will overthink anything. In my head I've turned my vacation destination into Eden. Verdent, lush, primeval, tropical forest interspersed with sophisicated cities with swank trendy nightclubs. Populated with lithe young people the sun does not burn, but lightens their hair and darkens their skin. Gilded youth, beautiful to the point of androgeny. Like angels.

In other words: the last place in the whole of the world where a girl like me could fit in or belong.

If any of you are from Hawaii, or are going to be there next week, feel free to look for me. Im the 5'10", brown haired, green eyed, bright red and pastey white, lumpy, frumpy, ball of girl.

See you there.


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