4:09 p.m. - 2004-04-01
Colossal Love Holes!
I hate valentines day. I really do. Everyone says that when theyre single but I mean it even when I have somebody, like I did this year. Actually, the only reason I like any secular holiday as when it means I get a day off from work or school. The only purpose for them is an excuse to buy tons of candy and crappy kitsch gifts, and to only have to express yourself to your loved ones 3 or 4 times a year. This does not, however, mean youre off the hook if you forget my birthday. (coughmarch25thcough)
So this year I was happy to be celebrating Feb 14th by throwing another SEEKR party up in San Fransisco. I did another hard-edge poster (this one black on neon red, of a girl wearing vinyl slapping her own ass with a riding crop), a painting thats a study of an illustration from a Neil Gaiman comic, which I think turned out to be utter crap but which Carls is insisting on buying from me, and put together a cute little pink and black outfit at the last minute, featuring the cutest panties youve ever seen! Which of course I had to show to everyone.
Getting to these things is always difficult as I still dont have my drivers liscence, so Audra organized for me to get a ride up with some kids I didnt know, (but everyone else did) and we were off. Eventually. The driver and other occupants were stoned off their asses by the time they got to my house, 2 hours late. They'de gotten lost a few times, and got us all lost several more times when we got up to the city. At some point I looked over at the driver, and I'm trying to figure out why his name sounds so familiar, and I put it together: This is the kid Carl and Aurda were telling me about at the photoshoot! Apperently he had crashed at Carl's house one night and Carl woke up in the morning to find the kid half asleep and fondling himself like, right nex to Carl's head. Nothing like waking up with a strange cock in your face right? So I put this all together while sitting next to the kid, and spent the rest of the trip trying to stay cool, to not point and laugh or squeel and squish myself up against the opposite side of the car in revulsuion. MasturbatorBoy gets us so lost looking for a gas station that we barely make it back in time to help set up for the party, and then it turns out they ALL forgot their liscences and had to leave before the party started, as it was an 18+ venue.
Fortunately for me I had already had other plans for afterwards and for getting home. My hot sexy man had just moved to South San Fransisco and offered to pick me up, let me sleep there, and then drive me home. Which was blessidly kind of him, especially scince he party wasnt schedualed to end until 7am.
Possibly the most exciting part of the whole night for me was when we walked right by a little resteraunt called "butter" on the way there, which had been featured on "unwrapped", which is one of my all-time favorite shows. Because I'm a big fat dork.
Anyway, we blitz the walls with our decorations, (almost all of which are UV reactive scince our parties are lit only with black-lights) huge, beautiful paintings and posters and banners, a blow-up doll and a blow-up pig that audra bought, spray painted, and then handcuffed together and hung from the ceiling so it looked like the girl was fucking the pig*, and lots of cut out paper hearts, with words written on them like conversation hearts, only with really obscene messages. My favorites were: "Vulva", "pearl necklace", "glory hole" and "donkey punch." We were all hearded into the entrance area so security could check our IDs before the party started when I noticed that last one, and it made me laugh, someone asked me what was so funny, and I had to expalin to a huge horrified group of wide eyed little raver kittens what "donkey punch" meant. It was awful, I never want to have to put those words in that order ever again.
The party finally starts, the place looks awsome, the music is great, everyobdy has a grand old time. About 2am another larger party ended and everyone headed over to ours. The place was PACKED, there was no where to sit down, my knee was killing me and the room rapidly filled up with smoke, had I had more sleep the night before I'de have been happy to stay till closing but as it was I was dying, and forgetting all about my plans with the boy I accepted a ride home from some friends of mine who were leaving. I called him on the way home and told him he wouldnt have to pick me up, and he sounded a little sad, but it was too late, my night was OVER. The point? .............I actually chose sleep over sex. Old age is hell, kids.
*Audra told me she was looking for cheap blow-up dolls for this project, and that exactly what I googled for, which brought up the following links and conversation between myself, heidiann and the above mentioned "hot sexy man":
Me: SexToySex.com: She's the life of the party with three colossal love holes.
heidi: sweet christ!
me: i know!
heidi: colossal love holes!
me: I KNOW!
heidi: disturbing
heidi: yet hilarious
me: im sorry, i had to share that with you.
me: Robert says:"hehehe tell hiedi that I am claiming you in the realm of all that is good and holy".
me: JOLLY ROGER MOOD COCKRING YYYAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!
heidi: ahahahaahahhhahah
heidi: the guy looks frightening
me: hes all teeth and muscle.
me: no response for rob?
heidi: i feel no need to respond. he's like columbus, trying to claim something that's already been claimed
me: LOL!!!!
heidi: he is columbus and i am the indigenous peoples of sonyaland
me: HEEE!!!!!
me: :-D :-*
heidi: sonya kisses!!! yay!
me: thats brilliant
me: Robert says:"Tell her that she to will be enslaved by columbus and foreced to do things against her willl why I rape the land for its benifits.... "
heidi: pitiful boy, having to rape what already freely gives me its bountiful fruits
me: I dare say Heidi, youre in fine form today.
heidi: no head trauma will keep me down!
me: yeah hows that healing btw?
me: Robert says:"hmmmm.... Yes but then again I also have the indigenous species in which to qwell my mighty urges..."
heidi: not too bad.
heidi: PEOPLE not SPECIES! you racist bastard!
heidi: now i'm having a mental image of him molesting a lizard
me: AH HA! now im picturing molesting Lizard.
heidi: AHAHHHAHAAH
me: Robert says:"I am so not a racist bastard. I think Im going to concede this arguement. before it gets to out of hand."
me: so do TheBosses know about you repeatedly injuring yourself on their hazardous property?
heidi: i stand atop the hills of my sonyaland with my spear held aloft. the interloper has been defeated. we shall rejoice!
heidi: yes. they're paying for my glasses, all my copays, and any bills not covered by my insurance. and said to take any days off i need to
me: that may be the funniest thing ive ever seen anybody type.
me: well thats good of them. are they gouing to fix the stairs?
heidi: thank you, thank you
me: Robert says:
"Tell her she wins this one but lets see whos getting some of the Sonyaland first... "
heidi: well i'm using the back stairs and going around next time it rains but they said a handrail
me: goodgood.
me: or, alternately, you could just live in your office until may and have them pay you overtime.
me: then youde have money coming out your ass, and other colossal love holes!
heidi: AHAHHAHAHAHAHHAA
me: help me god i cant get that phrase out of my head.
heidi: it's so obscene!
me: and yet so grand sounding.
heidi: definitely
