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1:54 a.m. - 2005-05-24
Sole Entry

Have I mentioned that when I stay up too late I either become completely incoherant or wordy and pretentious? Possibally this is a little of both. The lesser known dangers of insomnia.....

I filled this out because I want a Sole Review

Your name: Sonya R** D***
Your age: 25
Your interests: Everything. How can you be alive in this world and not be fascinated by the vast fronts and minutae of chaos and order swarming around you? The exclusions to this include: petty interpersonal drama, gossip, ESPECIALLY celebrity gossip, reality tv, romance novels and faux celebrities. Except in as much as they are reflections of certain unpleasant socialgical issues. Some day I will kill Paris Hilton. I mean, um, oh look! Shiney! Yes, of particular interest to me are photography and painting (jointly falling under the heading of the properties and behaviours of light; of which color is a subset.) Also cooking, sewing, biology, anatomy, psychology, mytholgy/theology, etymology and the abstract, theoretical aspects of physics and astronomy, even though I find the actual math bits of it to be tedious and largely beyond me. Oh, and as long as you can understand my meaning then propper grammar can go and fuck itself.
Something deeply meaningful to you: The concept of "Oneness." Both in the sense of the physical earth as an organic system, and in life as a mass conciousness. Bite me, I can be both a humanist and an environmentalist. Yes I can. Call me a "hippy" and you'll find out I'm not always a pacifist.
How you feel about your diary, and how you think it relates to your actual life: I have an uneasy relatipnship with my diary. Im at home in my honesty but not always comfortable with full disclosure. Its great when I get validation from talking about things that I think make me weird or crazy and finding out that theyre actually common, but I dont trust people to understand and accept my practiced belief that most experiences can wash right off if you want them to, and only become a part of your identity if you choose them to. Im an experimental person and I'm afraid people will hear about unusual things I've done and see me only as "that girl who blah blah blah..." because then they'll never see me for who I really am. Also I dont have faith enough in myself to think that I can keep people interested unless I keep things light and funny. I have long experience of watching peoples' eyes glaze over when I talk and being told I use "too big of words."
Your outlook on:
romance: Would be nice to have after I get everything else into somthing resembling managable order. Just not very high on my list of priorities right now. Dont get me wrong, I'm a total love-junky. Most of my favorite movies are love stories. Etta James rends my very soul from my body. But I believe in True Love. SPECIFIC love. I will never be impressed by empty, cliched, iconic gestures. When I love a person I can go to epic lengths to show them and make them happy, but I'm not in love with anyone specific. I am whole unto myself and refuse to be seriously swayed by vague longings.
work or school: Many of us do have a calling and a purpose in life. "Work" is just what we do to fund our lives while we look for it. I love school, I love the concept of school, I love going to school. The benefits of school far outway the fact that in reality its frequently boring, disappointing, inadequate and underwhelming.
family: A double edged sword. A group of people heald together by blood and uuncnditinal love and precious little else. Like all thingsbeaitiful, miraculous, and divine they come with a price, but hey, we all have t come from somewhere. Mine drive me insane and not in the good way, but they're also my warm soft place in this world and I'd kill anyne who hurt them.
How you feel about review sites:Can be very, very useful. Sometimes we all need unbiased feedback, and a fresh, clear eye to really see ourselves. Everyone I can ask for opinions about my diary already likes me, and so likes my diary but that doesnt help me at all to improve.
Color: Grey. (yes I know thats not technically a color, shut up.)
Music Type & Musical Artist:I like some of pretty much everything. Lately I've been listening to a lot of what I call "torch singers." You know, Etta James, Billie Holiday, Edith Piaf, and, in his own way, Jeff Buckley. If abslutely forced to pick one as my favorite it'd be Nina Simone. She has killer musicality, raw and savage emotive vocals but with warmth and joy and without being over the top showy, which I think makes people sound insincere. When Nina sings shes I'm right there with her, having a great conversatin with an old friend.
Food: Godiva chocolate.
And lastly, some concept that interests you, and why: I've been having an old philisphical debate with myself about where, exactly, it is that our material and immaterial selves meet. The fusing of the physical and metaphysical. The brain communicates bettween the self annd the body but can brain chemistry really encode and contain all our thughts and dreams and emotions? When we die every part of your brain is still there but whatever makes you YOU has gone. What is it? I think this is possibally the most important question of all. Because while we may never find the answer if we at least lok for it it helps us to look past paltry material concerns and petty superficial differences and realize that we are all essentially the same.


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