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11:06 a.m. - 2007-10-10
In which I demand answers. And Pterodactyls.
I've been trying to find something new and exciting to do. My life (and therefore my writing, you may have noticed) has been very boring for quite some time and I may resort to desperate measures. Something on the order of jumping out of a plane, perhaps? Somewhere I read that skydiving is supposed to be actually safer than scuba diving - which I've done- and I thought "Well of course, there aren't any sharks up there.* Heeeee, airsharks..... Why AREN'T there airsharks?!?!”

Cats Pajamas - Intrepid Girl Reporter - asks the internet:

SKIP
Me: Why aren't there airsharks?
Skip: Because they'd dry out?
Me: Granted, but why aren't there similar, perhaps feathered aviary predators?
Skip: Is this a serious question or do you want me to make something up?
Me: Both?
Skip: Well, it would be hard to sustain a diet for such a large predatory bird, besides, that would open up the food chain for giant air squids and jellyfish which would no doubt wreak havoc on the skies and generally make the stray cloud an ominous possibility of floating death.
Skip: Rather than the bunny rabbits we all so enjoy.
Me: Personally I think the awesomeness outranks my personal safety, but nobody else is on board with me.
Me: So I'll just put away the chemistry set...

ARLETTE
Me: Why are’nt there airsharks?
Arlette: For our safety
Me: Awesomeness outranks safety, Otherwise there wouldnt be water sharks either.
Me: There's all that room in the sky. there should be more stuff.
Me: I demand pterodactyls!
Arlette: They'd eat you!
Me: No, I'm inside.
Me: I'd have to start parking closer to the building.
Arlette: Yes
Me: Fine, you’re clearly not on board with me on this one.
Arlette: I was just gonna go off about how we should not resurrect pterodactyls and engineer air sharks just for your own entertainment, unless you give me a dollar and then I'll say yes.
Me: $<==== heres a dollar
Arlette: Yay! Unleash the pterodactyls!
Me: YES!
Arlette: OK, I think I have decided to make a pattern book.**
Me: Will there be sharks in the book?
Me: (booksharks?)
Arlette: Maybe, yes

HEIDI
Me: So, why are’nt there airsharks?
Heidi: Because they can't pull the ripcord?
Me: Airsharks wouldnt need parachutes. They'd live in the sky.
Heidi: I fucking hate you. Now I have a picture in my head of a shark wearing a big globe water helmet while soaring through the air.
Me: No, thats why you LOVE me.
Me: (they breed and nest on Shark Mountain)
Heidi: God damn you
Me: what??
Heidi: i just had a vision of little Pi*** going to school and telling her class all about the airsharks.
Me: Which she believes to be real. Which is why I shouldn't have children.
Me: Because I will buy a shark kite to terrorize her with.
Heidi: AHAHHHAAHHAAHHAHAH
Heidi: Parental Goal: Raise serial killer.

* Yes I know that this is not the primary safety issue with scuba diving. I'm PADI certified since I was 12.
** BTW Arlette you should totally do this! I'll even help you test the patterns if theyre not too complicated for me.
*** Pi R-squared Pajamas-Monster**** is the name of the daughter that Heidi and I will make together as soon as science permits it.
**** This will not be her actual last name, just a combination of some of our online names. Hi internet stalkers!

 

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