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1:15 a.m. - 2005-10-12
Springing fully formed from my head

Tonight at work my ear and throat were hurting so bad that it was almost making me cry. Being in that teary limbo makes your throat tighten and hurt too, so both of them combined, well, some of you have no doubt experienced it for yourselves. The rest of you can probably imagine how much it hurts, and if you cant, then lets just say that whatever my past transgressions may have been, I now consider me and God to be square. Now I know on one hand that it’s probably not as painful as childbirth, but on the other hand, the kid wouldn’t be coming out of my nose. In the way-more-information-than-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-me-but-probably-guessed-at-anyway category: I’ve learned first hand that my body -including my girl parts- can take a whoooole lot of pain, but I am the biggest wuss in the world when the pain is in my head. Fucking sinuses. I’d shake my fists at them but decongestants make my depth perception go all wacky and I’d just end up punching myself in the face. Le Sigh….

(Now I cant stop singing “decongestants” in my head to the tune of “Reproduction” from Grease 2. Bastards!)

This is not at all what I’d intended to write about tonight. Not at all.

Oh yeah, so my cousin and I were arguing gender relations the other day, like you do, and this advice gelled in my head a second before springing forth from my fingertips:

“Look, if you want someone you’ll get along with, who shares your interests and fits into your lifestyle, just live your life as if you were totally content alone. Do NOT go looking for someone. Compatible people will make similar paths through life and at some point they will cross over each other. If our life doesn’t bring you into contact with any girls then you have to question whether a girl in your life is really what you want, or if maybe you’re neglecting a crucial aspect of your life. If you’re going out to bars to find girls than you deserve whatever you get, which is probably going to be a sexual disease.”

As soon as I typed it (though sober) I had one of those drug moments like “Wooaaah, did I say that? Did that come out of me?” And also like drug epiphanies the next day it didn’t seem near as brilliant. Now what I’m wondering is this: Is this really just obvious common knowledge, or is this one of those things that seems obvious only after you’ve read it because it’s true?

If anyone still reads this after all this time I’d really like some second opinions. –CatsPJs


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