12:40 a.m. - 2003-04-19
I miss Johnny Carson.
16 days since I've updated. For shame, for shame....
So Im moving again. Already moved a few boxes over. Its a bit unsettling but the conditions more than make up for it. Im moving with my Dad to a new appartment, but hes going to be out of town about 75% of the time. He'll be paying most or all of the rent, and my name is also on the lease so it helps build my credit. I've got my own room (biggest room I've ever had), my own bathroom, a balcony right off of my room, and a walk in closet. VIVA LA CLOSET-SPACE! These help make it easier to ignore that little voice in my head that says I'm a total loser for living with one of my parents again.
I spent a few hours today in the new house waiting around for big burly furniture delivery men to bring the new tables, couch, and chair. I wandered from room to room saying to myself "This is my house. This is my house. I live here." Trying to make it feel true.
As I wake up but before I open my eyes, the room I expect to see is seldom the one I'm in. I've been living here (with Rose) scince the end of November but I still see my old room. The one I was living in when I turned 16. And 18, when I was legally and adult, despite all logic. 20, when I stopped being a "teenager" somewhat against my will. 21, which didnt make much of a differnce with my drinking really, but much more importanly was when I lost my virginity. In my room. (Same bed I still have, take THAT future boyfreind.) When I lived in that house I still had a family. MomDadSisterPets.
So I sat in the big empty appartment and wondered how long it would take for "Dad's new appartment" to become "my house" and how long it will take before any place feels like "home."
(Trite but true.....)