3:44 a.m. - 2003-02-18
Intro
As long as I can remember I've had trouble sleeping. At first I was afriad of the dark. Later my Dad got a night job, which meant I only saw him on weekends, and would stay up watching tv all night hoping to still be awake when he got home. Why I was allowed to do this I dont know. Whether its just an old pattern I've fallen into or somthing wrong with my brain, I'm not sure, but I cant sleep.
Being awake when everyone else is sleeping, I've learned some things most of you probably know already, if maybe not as well as I do.
Everything, everything, looks prettier in the moonlight.
San Jose is short on nightlife, and my stressed-out city is peaceful at night. Traffic laws are a polite suggestion when youre the only one around. You can walk down the middle of the street if you like. Audra, i will never forget you peeing in that meridian strip. Even with distant traffic the quiet is beautific. I feel comforted, rather than excluded, to know that the people in the houses around me are sleeping, dreaming, secure in their beds.
Stores that are open 24 hours are a true blessing. Super K-mart is one such place. After midnight you're the only customer. You can run around and play with all the nifty/scary toys, or things which werent intended to be toys, but which become so in my hands. The employees are there mostly to re-stock, and none of them seem to speak english. Even the overhead announcements are in spanish. I dont actually speak spanish, so I dont know why that amuses me so. God bless you 7-11.
I may be the only one online who legitimately has trouble sleeping, and isnt just looking for internet booty or checking out porn.
Between roughly 3 and 4am spooky things are intensified. Your house really is haunted. That monster really is under your bed. And that axe-weilding serial killer really is RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
Sleep deprivation is a little like being drunk. Crazy thoughts can seem totally rational, like:
"sure, I'll eat Denny's food."
"Destruction of public property is a good idea."
"One can never have too many Pez dispencers."
"I can just look around on Ebay and not bid on anything."
"I know! I'll start an online diary!"
Actually, the impetus for this diary is the request by my freinds. Freinds who've moved away, or who for one reason or another i just dont see often anymore.
So, here you go. Little chunks of my brain in textual form.
